5 Indoor Plants with Better Personalities Than Your Toxic Ex

houseplants with better personalities than your toxic ex main sherwood park salisbury

It’s nice to have something around the house to care for that isn’t too needy or high-maintenance, and the best indoor plants at Salisbury Greenhouse definitely fit that criteria. These popular houseplants will steadily grow and show signs of continual, healthy improvement with minimal effort required on your end. Your toxic ex, on the other hand, entirely lacks ambition, is far too needy, and should not be invited back to your apartment. Not unless he returns your vacuum and agrees to discontinue using your Amazon Prime account to order anime DVDs. 

Instead of scrolling through his Instagram to try and decipher if those pictures of him and his new girlfriend are real or photoshopped, scroll through this list of the five best indoor plants in Alberta! You’ll be eager to show them off to houseguests, unlike your ex, who spent all of Board Game Night lecturing your friends about 5G network conspiracy theories. 

houseplants with better personalities pothos

Pothos: Easily one of the most popular houseplants, you’ve probably seen a pothos at many of your friends and family’s houses, unlike your ex, who is most often seen selling fake Pokemon cards to junior high school students in the parking lot at Taco Bell. I don’t care how high the return on investment is, Derek; it’s just not a smart career choice.  

Pothos is surprisingly fast-moving, always growing and reaching new heights. If it’s basic needs are met, you can expect your pothos to undergo dramatic development. Then there’s your ex, who still lives in his mom’s basement and has recently announced his decision to focus on his YouTube channel full-time. Really, Derek? You have 34 followers. 

houseplants with better personalities pink angelwing begonia

Angelwing Begonia: This flowering houseplant doesn’t need a ton of sunlight and does well in semi-bright, indirect light, whereas your ex needs to stare into the lit screen of his Nintendo Switch during every waking hour, or else he will get cranky. Angelwing begonias are self-cleaning, which means they naturally deal with their own dried up blooms, and don’t need you to clean them up. You know who isn’t self-cleaning? Derek, who seems to be convinced that a family of elves has been sneaking into his room at night and washing his stanky gym clothes.  

Angelwing begonias need a loose, well-draining potting medium because they don’t like sitting in a pot of soggy soil, as this can lead to mould. If only Derek had that kind of sensibility and didn’t insist on sleeping in a bedroom littered with plates covered in the putrid remnants of last month’s pizza pops. Your begonia also prefers to have lots of water, but with enough time for the soil to dry out in between watering. That’s much more preferable than your ex’s habit of pounding back Monster Energy drinks all day long, in hopes that the company will agree to sponsor his YouTube channel.  

houseplants with better personalities snake plant

Snake Plant: The snake plant is a type of succulent, unlike your toxic ex, who is a literal snake. It’s super low-maintenance and doesn’t need you to baby it. This will be a refreshing change of pace after dealing with a certain someone who insists you take full responsibility for bathroom cleaning because “you’re better at it.”  

The snake plant is so reliable and stable, you could leave for a two-week vacation, and when you came back home, it would still be completely intact and exactly as you left it. No unsightly spots or glaring problems, and no signs of neglect. Remember when you went to Vegas for that weekend Bachelorette party, and when you came back, Derek surprised you with his new neck tattoo of what he though was the Japanese word for “honour,” but it actually turned out to mean “hamster?” You won’t have to worry about your snake plant pulling that kind of stunt. 

houseplants with better personalities white peace lily

Peace Lily: The peace lily is a bit sensitive and really in tune with its inner workings. If something is amiss, it tells you what it needs through obvious visual cues. Can you see where we’re going with this? If a peace lily is getting watered either too often or not enough, it will start to wilt a little bit but will perk back up as soon as you give it the correct amount of moisture. If it’s getting too much or too little sun, it may start to turn a little brown, but if you move it to a spot with better lighting, it will bounce back quickly. And then there’s Derek, whose idea of “communicating his needs” involves sliding into your former roommate’s DMs. 

Peace lilies actually have an incredible ability to purify the air by soaking in all the C02, filtering out toxins and carcinogens, and then churning out pure oxygen. This is entirely unlike your toxic ex, who is constantly blowing root-beer-scented vape clouds like he’s Thomas the freaking Tank Engine. 

houseplants with better personalities purple african violet

African Violet: There’s something undeniably elegant and fashionable about this easy-care houseplant, with its plush, velvety leaves and jewel-toned blossoms. It will add a touch of class to your living space, and will always look photo-ready, unlike Derek, who showed up to your cousin’s wedding in a polo shirt and Budweiser swim trunks. 

With African violets, it’s so easy to encourage new growth through propagation, unlike Derek, whose idea of personal growth involves banana-split-flavoured creatine powder. Simply snip off a single leaf, let the stem sit in a shot glass of water for a week, and soon it will sprout roots! Stick it in a fresh pot of soil, and in a few weeks, you’ll see a bunch of cute new leaves popping out from under the surface. When you realize that a literal leaf is more productive than your toxic ex, you’ll swear you’ll never send him a “U Up?” text ever again.

Ready to make some space in your life for something new and cute to dote on? These houseplants will give back just as much as you put in, and we promise all your friends will totally approve of them. The plant lady life never looked so good!

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